How Meditation Has Guided Me to Greater Self-Acceptance
- maybellelek
- Sep 2, 2020
- 6 min read
I am constantly on the move juggling multiple projects at one time. Mentally, I feel like a Chinese acrobat attempting to keep the plates spinning on their sticks without letting them fall. Physically, I simultaneously fluctuate between feeling like a superwoman and a sad potato. I knew that I needed something to regulate my rambling thoughts and more-too-often emotional outbursts.
After researching various possibilities, I have decided to pick up the skill of Meditation. It forces me to slow down, and it is only through slowing down that we are able to see and observe more acutely.
Here's my story:
I have always struggled with self-acceptance. This is a hard sentence for me to embrace, because I am always, almost, accepting of others. I embrace their being, their flaws, their fears and even their shortcomings. However, I have a slightly different perspective when it comes to myself. I set myself certain expectations that I need to fulfill - some parental, some personal and some career-driven. Additionally, teaching can be emotionally exhausting without refueling myself and getting enough rest.
Aside from movement, I am passionate about growing and self-improvement. I believe that growth can be an uncomfortable process, but you will emerge on the other side far stronger than you once were. Some of the world's most successful entrepreneurs swear by meditation to help them achieve greater focus - Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos... No, this does not mean that you need to hide yourself in a cave secluded to the rest of humanity in order to gain clarity... Although that could be a possibility, your choice. I decided that I want to improve myself, in a way that encompassed empathy, compassion and authenticity. I want to learn how to embrace all facets of myself including the not-so-pretty ones. To quote one of my favourite authors of all time:
"I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you realise" - Haruki Murakami
To get me started, I have tried many different meditation applications, only to find myself deleting it after 2 days. Headspace is the only application that I have not deleted. On the contrary, I find myself resonating with it, even till today. What I have discovered for myself that makes Headspace successful is the scientific rigor behind their methodology. I highly recommend downloading the Headspace App (available on Google Play or Apple App Store) for beginners. Additionally, you can join and be a part of a wider community where we are Weathering The Storm as a society. It is free for anyone, and includes meditations, sleep & simple movement exercises to help you feel more at ease in this time of need.
What is Meditation? Simply put.
Meditation is a skill and an experience encapsulated as a mental exercise to train focus and cultivate compassion and awareness. By sitting still with our minds, we are training the mind to 'declutter' and focus on what matters. Through this, we are constantly re-discovering greater clarity, awareness, calmness and compassion. In short, we are training the mind to have a direct experience on the present moment.
To learn more about the science behind Meditation, visit this link.
What Does Meditation Mean to Me?
I have often thought long and hard about this seemingly simple question. But very recently, I have landed on an answer that I am satisfied for the time being:
"Meditation is about re-balancing."
By sitting with myself, I am truly present in the moment without distractions. I am facing my own thoughts, anxieties, fears and hopes all in that duration I choose to meditate for. I am relying on myself to know what matters most to me. I am relying on myself to take stock and let go of what is unnecessary. In that brief moment, I am choosing myself. I am choosing to take this time to re-balance my internal environment so I can embrace myself with more compassion, empathy and acceptance.
However, this is definitely easier said than done. On some days, I am able to sit with my thoughts for 15 mins without feeling overwhelmed. On the other hand, there are times where I can't sit still for 1 min without feeling the need to 'do' something else. When I meditate, I am choosing to accept myself in that moment. I am restoring myself as a vessel with the energies that I have absorbed through life. I am regulating my emotions and breath. Every meditative experience is different, which is the beauty of meditation. I see this as a real 'superpower', especially where we are living in a time that is always constantly on the hyper-mode.
I accept the challenges and frustrations that may come with Meditation, because I know that I will emerge on the other side 1-2% better than who I was without it.
How to Begin
There are many different ways to meditate that need not include sitting for a long period of time. This sounds daunting and challenging especially for amateurs like myself. Here's how I got started:
Segment of Day: I find it the best for myself right after I wake up with a meditation as my brain is the most alert and productive.
Example: I will meditate in the mornings after I wake up.
Location: I have a lovely spot on my bed that is next to the window.
Example: I will meditate in the mornings after I wake up by my bedside.
Duration: I find that 3-5 mins is a good length of time to grasp and is reasonable within my means to accomplish. (this can be flexible depending on your aim/goals/threshold.
Example: I will meditate in the mornings after I wake up by my bedside for 3 mins.
Style*/Mode of Meditation: this basically means guided or unguided. Guided meditations are definitely much easier as it gives you something to focus on.
Guided: This is where someone guides you through a meditation. This is essentially easier than unguided as you are hand held throughout the practice. This is a great place for beginners to start, or as a way to help you drift off and sleep.
Unguided: This is where you meditate alone and self-guide your meditation. This is often more challenging but often feels more rewarding and rich. This style is beneficial for those who are learning what their own personal meditation style is and how it might lead you to guide others.
Example: I will do a guided meditation in the mornings after I wake up by my bedside for 3 mins.
Finally, additional customisation: you can go even more specific for this and focus on a particular type of practice that you resonate with. Here are some practices that are common:
Counting the Breath: this practice focuses on the breath as a grounding technique.
Steps: seated in a comfortable position either with a yoga block, towel or cushion underneath you, close your eyes gently. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts (repeat cycle)
Layering: start with 2 mins each day, and add an extra minute to your practice each day, allow thoughts to be a part of this experience. I would recommend to put a timer or a piece of music to help you time the duration.
Listening/Concentration: this practice focuses on the sounds around you. This is also known as Active Listening.
Steps: finding a comfortable seated position, begin closing your eyes. Allow your attention to drone out, and focus on the sounds in your environment. Tune into those sounds and let that guide your experience and your thoughts.
Layering: start with 2 mins each day, and add an extra minute to your practice each day, allow thoughts to be a part of this experience. A timer would be nice for this, and I would not recommend putting music as we want to re-create a natural environment as best as we can.
Gratitude: this practices focuses on listing what you have that brings you satisfaction & happiness, therefore feeling more grateful for where you are in the present moment.
Steps: Seated comfortably, with your eyes closed, list out 3 things that you are grateful from the day. You can choose to say it out loud, as a whisper or internally in your mind. You can place your hands on your chest as a gesture of gratitude.
Layering: I would not recommend setting a specific duration for this. Instead, allow your list to flow naturally without thinking too much. Setting some soft, ambient music will be good to help set your headspace and get your thoughts flowing.
So finally, when we add that to our example, the final sentence would be:
I will do a guided ________ (insert type of practice) meditation in the mornings after I wake up by my bedside for 3 mins.
Final Thoughts
Meditation is not about shutting out negative thoughts in a forceful manner. That's a misconception that most would have when it comes to this mental exercise. It is about re-balancing your internal environment in order to gain greater clarity and self-awareness, inviting compassion, empathy and acceptance into your life.
What I have written is my personal overview on Meditation, and there's still A LOT more to discover and uncover. Please share this to your loved ones, and may we all hold space for each other as we find compassion and empathy for each other and ourselves.
P.S. I will begin a series detailing each type of meditation practices out there. I truly believe that movement can be medicine for our minds, bodies and spirits. As a small offering to my community (including you!), I will be sharing some audio/video notes to aid stress & anxiety, sleeping & waking up, movement & healthy living (with a small subscription fee). You will be able to find these love notes at the end of each post under the category 'Meditation'.
Love & Light,
Maybelle x
Authenticity | Empathy | Accessibility
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