The Art of Saying No (especially when your plate is full)
- maybellelek
- May 24, 2022
- 6 min read
When is the right time to say "no"?... because there's quite a lot of dancers including myself that don't really know or hesitate to say "no" and to rest and take care of our bodies.
This is a universal struggle. It happens in any workplace where there's a project, or an opportunity being offered to you and you're not sure on when to say yes or no!
Yeh... We've all been there before, done that.
The 'art of saying no' truly is a skill and an art that we all need to be more comfortable (and confident) with. So in this post, I will be sharing my own decision-making factors when it comes to opportunity decision, as well as other anecdotes that my fellow artistic friends have shared to contribute to this discussion.
But first, let's break this down:
Why is it so hard to say no?
In most cases, there is an expectation (or sometimes, an obligation) to say yes to whatever you're asked to do. Perhaps one day, an opportunity lands in front of you, and you feel flattered and grateful that you've been considered for the role. But for a multitude of reasons, you want to say no. BUT there's something preventing you from saying no. Why is it so hard?
I've boiled it down to 4 main reasons (according to my own experiences):
Power Play/Dynamics
There's a higher probability that we might feel inclined to say yes first, then think later. This is one of the most common oversight when it comes to decision-making related to career. Additionally, it's harder to say no to someone whom you see as a superior/senior.
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
When we see stories or posts of our peers promoting a project/opportunity, there is a certain desire that perhaps we wished that we could have been a part of it. Social media does a really great job at highlight what could have been, rather than what can be. There is a difference (just look at the current trends - the younger generations splurging on branded goods as a social status of wealth and reputation).
Fear of Disappointment
It's a legitimate fear, that if we say no, we might find ourselves standing alone in the face of our own principles. It might paint a false picture that you're not a "team player" because you might be turning down an interesting opportunity that everyone else seems to be jumping on.
Fear of Reputation Damage
In the arts and culture sector, this is another very real possibility as the work that we do directly co-relates to our reputation - salary, branding, association with other reputable companies/collectives etc. So if we say no, these incentives goes down the drain along with that opportunity.
Interesting Note: A study done by the Duke University showed that other people believe that it is more legitimate to take advantage of passionate employees over dispassionate ones. Reasons being: more likely asked to do unpaid work, more likely to work on weekends, more likely to handle tasks/responsibilities outside of their job scope etc. The key mental model to note here is that: Passionate employees would have volunteered anyways.
As a young graduate fresh out of school, I was really hungry and eager to learn more about the 'real world' out there - what was lurking around, what could I contribute that can make a difference? True story: Upon returning to Singapore in 2018 after completing my Masters, I attended 80% of the events/talks/performances/seminars/workshops related to dance. I knew that I had to put myself out there, even though I felt really drained each time. I made connections and I showed my face to the relevant people whom I thought would provide me opportunities in the future.
Whatever came beating down my path, I took 90% of it, even if I felt like it wasn't contributing much to my personal growth or up-skilling of my craft. I went with the thought process that I may not know why I am doing this, but I trust in the process that eventually it will make some sense. If you're new to the workforce like I was and trying to establish a good reputation, saying no is even more challenging. Whilst it may feel gratifying to land a job/opportunity that is meaningful for you, sometimes purpose-driven work can negatively affect your mental and physical health if there is no work-life balance (to me, the real global crisis honestly).
No one really knows how to begin, but we all have to start somewhere. It is unrealistic to assume that you're gonna land a 'stable' or financially viable opportunity/project when you graduate. There is an element of luck in play, of being at the right place at the right time seen by the right people.
This is true talk, people. No sugar-coating, just my observations. I'm going slightly off-tangent, but let's bring it back to topic.
Why Saying No Is Good (sometimes)
1. Cements Reputation
This is a paradoxical mindset, but it really does help to cement your reputation because you take on opportunities/projects that you care and enjoy. Most importantly, it's important to you and what your long-term goals are.
2. Helps you get more responsibilities
It shows commitment and loyalty to the place that you're currently contributing towards and you might get more responsibilities because of it.
3. Protects you from burnout and overload,
Need I say more?
How do you know when to say no?
It's highly circumstantial, so there is no one-formula-fits-all. However, I did my research on the Harvard Business Review and here are 4 proven strategies to know:
When you have too much on your plate
If you're already looking at your packed-full-of-stuff calendar, just close it. You won't have time for it anyways.
Tip: Google Calendar (or an accessible scheduler that allows you to see everything) can help you to see a more wholesome picture of availability and bandwidth before agreeing to take on more work. I use Google Calendar, and boy it is my life.
It's not right for you or job
If I know that my strengths and area of knowledge lies within a certain field, I want to be useful. Not a liability (in my case it would be doing accounting, like math. Get the heck out)
However, I am a believer of learning skills that are complimentary to your current skillset. So if there's an opportunity for you to learn a skill that can help boost you to help you reach your goals, go for it! Be smart about it, think long term.
Friendly relations with your potential collaborators
Think of it like Youtube collabs - where Youtubers would seek out another famous one to do a collab, but they aren't necessarily friends outside of their work. Be selective and smart, choose opportunities that help you to bring even more long term opportunities. Likewise for your potential collaborators, do they see value in what you're able to offer to the table? It has to work both ways, it's called collaboration. Not solo project.
Cost/Effort Averaging (for saying yes)
Unfortunately there is no completely escaping from math. There will have to be some calculations done to figure out if a project is worth your time.
weighing time spent to prep (duration) + effort needed = $ compensation
Tip: Identify your bandwidth - which is often completely underestimated. As human beings, we are really bad at estimating time. Use your scheduler to help you determine: (1) what will I have to give up to take this on? (2) what's the trade off? (3) What's some wins that I can gain through this experience? Eg: new skills/knowledge, connections etc.?
Will this project bring me closer to achieving my top priorities and long term goals?
If I don't do this, will it matter in a week, a month, or a year from now?
Am I the only person who can do this?
Once you have identified and gained a fuller understand of the commitment and padding in your schedule, you're in a better place to make a decision.
The Art of Declining Politely
The key here is to keep it objective. It helps if you have an accountability buddy, which is someone that you trust to help you stay accountable to promises that you've made. Be honest, and state the main reason (remember, not all) on why you're passing on this opportunity. Do not ever insult them (it sounds dumb, but I have heard horror stories like these). Keep it professional, and cordial.
"Dear _____,
Thank you for thinking of me for this project! It sounds amazing but unfortunately [state the reason]. I wish you all the best of luck and success, and let's keep in touch!
Best,
______"
This is my email template to politely turn down an opportunity/project. It's customisable and foolproof. Also, you've got an amazing resource called Google that you can search for to find templates that you like. Go on then, craft that message.
Safeguard your mental well-being, and you will thank yourself over time. I hope you've found this useful! See you in the next post.
Love and Light,
Maybs x
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