Thoughts Fueled from a Conversation At the Apple Store
- maybellelek
- Jan 20, 2021
- 6 min read
About a month and a half ago, I went to visit the newly built Apple Store at Marina Bay Sands, Singapore. It's the world's first floating Apple store, in the shape of a sphere that is made out of a reflective material so you can see it from a mile away. When it first opened, people flooded to see what the newly built store looks like. After the government implementations of safe distancing measures for Covid-19, they encouraged to go online and book an appointment before visiting the store if you need to see the genius bar or make a purchase. Otherwise, risk standing in the queues for a while before you can enter.
Why am I speaking about this, you may wonder? Well, the title of this post arose from a conversation that I had with one of the Apple staff. Let's call her D. I love that conversations are spontaneous, and you can never know who you might meet and where your paths might draw parallels or intersections. I was at the acclaimed Apple Store with my partner, K and I was thinking about getting an iPad for my work.
As we were listening to D's explanation on which iPad model might be good for me, D asked me what I do. I immediately sifted through my list of "What Should I Call Myself Today?" Like a slot machine, the jackpot landed on "Freelance Dance Instructor".
P.S Part of my agenda with this iPad is to practice and improve (gradually) my drawing skills. We shall see overtime... Right now, it looks like it's drawn by a 4 year old.
D then responded with "Oh! Do you also perform?" I said "Yeah, I put on many different hats but my main specialisations are performance, choreography, teaching & collaborating with different artists across various disciplines." She said 'That is awesome! I used to be a performer myself when I was younger, but now I decided on pursuing something different, so here I am!"
I was immediately curious about her story, so I asked further "What did you do beforehand?" She responded that she used to be a freelancer herself, as a performer at Universal Studios. To me, that was ridiculously cool because my immediate thought was "DAMN". The longer we got to familiarise with each other, she brought up the topic of performers having a "shelf life".
*cue imminent drum rolls*
I have mixed feelings about "said topic". The main reason why is I guess, the inevitable? That at some point, our priorities might change and we will focus our energy on something else instead. Not to say that it's bad or wrong, as we are all going through our own customised journey. In a way, it reminds me of my own journey and how there's been so many twists and turns that I may not even realise that my decisions are leading me to a different path.
The "What Do You Do" question opens up a plethora of mixed emotions, but mostly anxiousness and fear of judgement. I can never get a straight answer to this each time I ask myself, because my role changes depending on the project. Even if I were to term myself under an umbrella of roles, it is still quite questionable. I enjoy not putting myself in a box, and that I am able to shift and flow with the current depending on where it takes me. However, if there's something that 2020 has shown me is that people (including myself actually) categorise our peers/relatives/strangers/acquaintances because it is convenient.
Coming back to my conversation with D, she asked me if I am teaching because of the stability or because I truly enjoyed it because of how I 'termed' myself in that particular instance. My response to her was pretty straightforward - "both". Over the years, I have come to enjoy and witness the power that teaching has and how it has enabled me to empower individuals through movement. That is the biggest takeaway of 2020 for me - during Circuit Breaker/Lockdown here in Singapore, it's shown me how empowering my profession is. Despite the drama that went down with my (now ex) workplace, I could still help and empower people from my living room. That inspires me greatly, and continues to be one of the fuels that keeps me going when my tank is running low.
I flipped the question back to her, if she is here in the Apple Store because she truly enjoys it or because her priorities has shifted. At this point as I am writing, it is occuring to me very blatantly that this is not a typical conversation that happens at your trip to the Apple Store! I could see the expression in her eyes change, and I knew that it wasn't as straightforward as it seems. Her mind was whirling for an answer, and she just said that she has now a family to look after, therefore she cannot rely on performance for sustenance. Additionally, her body is catching up to her now so she needs to take better care of it.
After this conversation, the transaction was made and we bid our farewells. It wasn't a simple goodbye, it was a goodbye & thank you that has left both of us filled with thoughts and questions. Perhaps a connection with a fellow artist that has invigorated us, and this is why I'm writing about it. It's also a timely one, in hindsight, that this is the first post that I share in 2021 - about conversations and questions that has arisen at the back of my mind fueled by a conversation in an unlikely environment.
Looking back at 2020: A Moment of Gratefulness...
I'm very fortunate to have a career in this profession, despite the atrocity of the pandemic that has thrusted many people into job losses.. Even if it is not an easy path to take, it has taught me valuable lessons about various relationships in the work place, with my partner, with my family, with my passion and myself. With that, I'm fueled with even more drive, motivation and passion for what I do and considered to be a motto - Empowerment through Movement.
It is inevitable that one day, I may reach a crossroad like D did. Where do I place my priorities in? What are the responsibilities that I have to fulfill? I feel like I'm already on the way there, where I am consciously taking a step back from performance. I often get questions on when's my next performance? My answer is always the same: when it happens. I am no longer driven by a sense of self-fulfillment by performing on a stage in front of an audience. Rather, my focus has now shifted to the person that helped to shaped, empowered and lead the performer to the stage. If a performance opportunity comes my way and I enjoy the concept/idea behind the project, I won't say no to it because it is a learning process for me. So I guess, I am selfish in a different manner.
I'm selfish in the manner that I don't want to have regrets. I've too often seen people who wished that they've done this, they've pursued this project, they've said yes/no to something... I used to have this regret where I wasn't successful in entering a Professional Performance Company. Those attempts have always been unsuccessful, and it has dampen my spirits each time I hear a 'no'. However, I no longer have this regret. I'm really happy with this new path, and it is more in alignment with my values and my skill sets.
When I stop dancing seriously, am I no longer a dancer?
No, it doesn't.
To end this post, I would like to share this beautiful passage from the article "The Dancer Identity: Do You Ever Stop Becoming A Dancer?" written by Tracy Hendrickson.
Perhaps we never lose our dancer identity, and once this physical and emotional art-form has nested within your bones, it is in you forever. Dance is physically etched into our identity. We know our bodies better than the average person knows theirs. We share a common language. We have a deep ability to focus. We hear the rhythm of a song before we hear the words. We crave moving on a daily basis. We check our alignment in every mirror. We know the perils and rewards of hard work.
The characteristics that so often define a dancer may be developed through technical training, but they stay with us long after that training stops.
Comentários