Finding My Artistic Voice Through The Things That I Didn't Want To Do

It's been a hot minute since I've sat at my laptop writing to you - the readers of this post & my website. I want to take this opportunity - to say thank you for the continuous support over the years since the 'unofficial' inauguration of this website. What began as a spontaneous project has transformed into a platform to share my thoughts & classes with anyone! For that, I thank you for being a part of this journey with me. There are some exciting announcements to share with all of you, but in due time....

I want to spend this time writing from the heart, on a topic that has been crowned the "conversation kickstarter" within my peers in a discussion that happened on Monday night:

How did you find your artistic voice? Are you still on a journey towards discovering it?

I've often been asked by students, audiences, peers, teachers & strangers on this particular question. With the occasional clamming up in the chest and deeper breath inhalations for grounding my mental psyche, I managed to summarise it into 3 pivotal moments that has guided me to discover my artistic voice (which is very close to my own personal voice). However, these 3 moments had one thing in common - they were choices/decisions that I did not want to do.

Pivotal Moment #1 - Rejections Leading Me Onto My Right-Hand Path

I come from a family of educators: 40 year old brother - Primary School Teacher & 36 year old sister - Secondary School Teacher. This age gap has differentiated myself amongst my siblings, where I looked upon them as authority figures more so than siblings. However, this wide chasm of years has allowed me to witness life events from an outsider's POV (engagements, marriages, job changes, family planning, disputes etc.). So that foresight in witnessing from my siblings has given me a huge advantage in determining what direction I wanted to take in life. In wanting to become different from my siblings, I told myself that "I do not want to get into teaching" (old thought). Instead, I wanted to perform internationally and make a name for myself in the performing sector! I wanted to prove to myself & others that I was good enough as some of my peers!

Schools and institutions always encouraged their students to join a professional touring company. This route was considered to be 'successful'. This traditional way of thinking was drummed into our heads when we were in school. Life, definitely, doesn't work that way. 80% of the dancers have to freelance at some point in their lives (with the exception of some really fortunate ones who stay with a company for a long time).

After graduating, I realised very quickly that performing internationally is not as easy as it seems. Most of the time, it seemed to be dependent on being at the right place at the right time, being seen by the right people. These 3 criterias have secured the positions of my friends who are privileged to be performing in some of the world's renowned performance companies - Hofesh Shechter, National Dance Company of Wales, HumanHood... I would always get to the final rounds of auditions, only to be rejected due to visa issues or reasons that were beyond my control.

These rejections chipped away my confidence in my own abilities. I recalled a brief moment in time where I questioned if this was where I wanted to be. If this was what I had desired for myself. What was it about me (or not about me) that seemed to be the roadblocker in getting to those places?

Returning back to Singapore in 2018, I auditioned for local companies - only to be rejected again by companies that I thought I would certainly get into. My arrogance got the better of me. This cycle was getting tiresome, however it taught me an important lesson very early on - rejections will lead you to doors that are wide open for you. There are opportunities out there for me, I just needed to search for it.

Pivotal Moment #2 - When I First Began Teaching...

I leapt into teaching after 6 months of being in Singapore as I wanted to become financially independent. Just a few paragraphs earlier, I told myself that I did not want to get into teaching (rings a bell?)... How did I end up here doing the very thing that I did not want to do? However, this was my right-hand path.

It turns out that I had a natural flair and skill in my teaching abilities. Perhaps it was due to my upbringing, or the accumulation of learning from amazing teachers. After a few months of teaching, I came to the following realisations:

1. Teaching is more than just a job or a profession. It is an opportunity to share and learn from one another.

2. A good teacher learns just as much as the student.

3. Care, empathy & authenticity are key traits to a winning personality.

4. It's okay to funk up - your students are humans too. Be approachable.

5. Teaching is a powerful medium of communication.

6. Teaching may not be as glamorous as a performer's life, but it is certainly one of the most impactful professions.

7. Good dancers do not necessarily mean good teachers.

I'm sure many of us are familiar with the bestseller book: Ikigai - The Japanese Secret to a Long & Happy Life. This concept was introduced to me through a friend where he shared his thoughts after reading the book about wanting to search for his Ikigai.

To summarize it - ikigai is a Japanese concept referring to "having a direction or purpose in life, providing a sense of fulfillment and towards which they the person may take actions, giving them satisfaction and a sense of meaning."

P.S I would highly recommend this video for you to get a grasp of what this philosophy embodies & its practical examples.

Through teaching, I slowly began to find great fulfillment and joy in empowering people through movement. Some of the best moments in my career is seeing my students make tremendous improvement overtime through consistent hard work & practice. This enhanced my own artistic practice as a performer, choreographer & collaborator. Here's how teaching has helped me in the following 3 fields:

Performer

- Giving myself more precise corrections & feedback to improve the quality of details

- Observing more critically helped my own performance technique and artistry

- Stepping out of my 'performer' hat once in a while to realise what audiences might want to see/take away from my performance.

- Performing more authentically.

Choreographer

- Hearing a variety of stories from my students, realising that stories are medicine to heal and bond.

- Being a part of situations/conversations that fuel my inspiration for choreographing pieces. Eg: Still/Moving which was performed at Kaleidoscope 1 under Sigma Collective (below).

Dancers: Lauren Blair Smith, Sabril Amin, Edna Low & Lenzo Lim

Collaborator

- Acquiring more general knowledge in different fields - richer discourse & conversations.

- Widening my networking opportunities.

- Asking better questions - with the help of listening to several books that has accelerated my learning capabilities. Will write a separate post on it soon.

Eg: Collaborating with RandomDots to provide a virtual tour experience to the Strategy Ops Google Team (below) & along with some amazing reviews from the team!

In a blink of an eye, it has been 2.5 years since I began teaching. It has led me to amazing growth opportunities, expansions in my learning capabilities & perspectives that it made me realise how small my vision/purpose was. This leads me to...

Pivotal Moment #3 - Re-Purposing Myself Through Covid.

With these new gained perspectives & experiences, I am now on the journey of re-purposing myself towards a greater purpose. A calling that drives me towards empowering people to become more confident in their own movement capabilities. As I get older, I begin to notice changes in my body as well as my priorities shifting overtime. My desire to perform onstage is lesser as I strive towards that greater purpose. I've had the pleasure of performing onstage with people whom I shared a great affinity for in the artistic sense. Now, I want to share what I've learned, experienced and gained with others who desire it more - the affinity for learning.

The pandemic has been a sobering awakening in finding my artistic voice. Through teaching online, I've learnt the skills of management, digital marketing & personal branding. At the same time, managing through Zoom fatigue and curating the best learning experience I am able to offer anyone that comes to my classes/sharings/workshops. It is through adversity and rejections that has nudged me onto this journey. The longer I embark on this journey, different levels come into play. I've found my seed of my artistic voice through teaching & helping other people. It's definitely not an easy task, as it can get quite exhausting helping other people all the time. Therefore, I've learnt the importance of taking care of my needs first before helping other people so I do not fall into burn-out.

Am I still on a journey towards discovering that voice?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: It's always a journey towards a destination(s) that never seems quite out of touch with what we are capable of. However, perhaps that's how entrepreneurs & visionaries work. They set achievable milestones towards a greater goal that allows them to grow, learn, fail & try again. Most importantly, the foundations must be set right. Destinations will change with time, age and shift in priorities.

In my opinion, what's most important is allowing yourself to flow through the journey without too much judgements. These judgements are often barriers that may lead you to better, more suitable opportunities. That's exactly what happened with me through teaching.

Choreographer? Teacher? Performer?

Putting on different hats is the name of the freelance game. It's not uncommon to assume multiple roles for a singular project (typically dancer/choreographer). Due to this reason, I made a conscious decision to work towards a greater calling instead. Instead of boxing myself to multiple hats of my strong suit, I'm a person that prefers to remain fluid. When different opportunities present itself, I always ask myself this singular question

"Will this project/class help to bring me closer to that calling?"

Sometimes, they don't. But I do it for other reasons - building passive luck, connections, 'passion' project? Either way, being able to put on these different hats is a privileged challenge. Not uncommon as we transition into post-covid times, but it sure presents a range of learning possibilities! For this, I am grateful.

Lära - A swedish word that means "to learn and to teach"

Stay fluid, keep safe and speak with you soon x

(The next time we speak, I will be sharing some exciting news upcoming up)

Love & Light,

Maybelle